fearcutsdeeperthanswords | ❈ | 004

I hate it here!

[That is all. She is upset that she spilled all those secrets so easily. It's so infuriating and she wants to believe that people don't care, like Shego said (GREEN PERSON, WHAT T HE HELL), but it's not so easy when her brother knows everything. You suck, Barge. :c]

[Private to Jesse]

You shouldn't have made me swear! [Vows suck.]

[Private to Rachel]

Who did you kill? Did you mean what you said? [About not leaving her behind. About escaping. Very important things.]

[Private to Jon]

[There is a flash of video, of Arya trying to look in control and it starting to crumble, so she switches to writing, small and almost sloppy.] I'd kill them again. They would have done for me the same.

[Private to Viserys]

I can still show you how to use a sword. With the chair legs. If you want.

[Private]

[Arya closes her eyes tight and whisper to herself, focusing on it like a prayer.] Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Queen Cersei.

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[Jesse has literally been HIDING IN HIS ROOM for two days. He looks unshaven and gross.]

Oh, shit, is it over?

I knew you'd be pissed at me.

[Arya is used to people looking gross. Self grooming, lol.]

You made me promise not to be mad. [Which she is pretty sure what pissed means, but. SCOWL. SCOWL SCOWL SCOWL THIS IS HARD.]

Yeah, but now you are anyway, right?

Look, I won't call you-- that other name. You can still be Cat, I don't care.

I promised. [So yes. :| And ASFDS SO MUCH ASFSD she is trying to shut down her reactions though, to be blank like the waif taught her.]

I'm no one.

[This is not going the way he'd been hoping it would. :|]

[Under his breath:] Shiiit.

[To her:] Come on, give me a f--reaking break. I was trying to help you.

I know! [And rr she is trying not to hold it against him.] I know. But I'm not Cat. And I'm not Arya. until I go back and finish my training.

I told you, yo, I don't give a damn what you want to call yourself. Cat, Arya, whoever. Christ, use Jesse if you want. No one will care.

[Rrr, himself. He drags his hands down his face and sighs. He's not even touching that "training" thing, not yet. He doesn't know what to say about that.] Do you want to hear a secret about me? Would that make you feel better? Only, like, one other guy even knows I have a brother, so that's one thing already.

Tell me another. [Make it fair. :|]

Okay. Fine. You're not gonna tell anyone else, though, right? [As he wracks his brain for something he can tell her that won't RUIN EVERYTHING if she does.]

I won't. [She really means 'if you don't,' but that gets left unsaid.]

Okay, okay. Um... [It takes him a moment to come up with something that doesn't involve the words 'drug dealer.' There are a lot of secrets about that, and not so many about other things!

Finally, it hits him: Jane, the one thing in his life this past year that wasn't caught up in all that shit, until suddenly she was.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair.] Okay, I haven't told anyone else about this, but I... had this girlfriend, a while back. But then she... she died. And it was kind of my fault.

[A girl friend, what is. She's pondering for a moment.] A lover, you mean? [Ponderrrrr ponder.] What happened?

Sure. Lover.

[His eyes flicker away, like he doesn't want to talk about it -- which he doesn't -- but... he said he would. And this is the one thing rehab did right, made it easier to talk about Jane.]

She got... um, like, sick, all of a sudden. And I... was there, but I didn't notice what was going on until it was too late.

[Not noticing can be dangerous. She's silent for a moment.] You have to learn to look.

Yeah, well. I learned, all right.

[He draws in a deep breath and lets it out, taking a second to keep himself together. It's a little easier to remember every day, but what he really wants right now is a bump, and he's not gonna let himself go all junkie on the kid. He sits on his hands, to keep them from shaking.]

Okay... so? Is that good enough for you? I mean, all I asked for was your name, yo.

Yes. That's good enough. [Welcome to the pack, Jesse.] I won't tell anyone.

[Whatever. :| She's a pain. ~~He's so happy. c:~~] Yeah, well, you better not.

[You're welcome. c:] I said I wouldn't.

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